This is a multi medium creation. I’ve used oil pastels and acrylic paint and inks in this one. I’ve tried to create the sense of illumination and less than ideal forms of birch trees. I love painting birch trees; something about the contrasting affect. My paintings never turn out how I envision them to but I am happy with this one.
If you know me you know that far from being complacent I live a disciplined spiritual life. I know that I can be intense and that is apparent in my sharing of emails and reflecting with others. I sense that most can’t comprehend what is involved in the very different contemplative life that I live, and the embracing of change and striving to understand and express that, and that’s okay. For a long time I wanted to be able to connect with others around these things, hopeful that they might understand me.
These days I am more accepting of my aloneness and it is in acceptance of my subjective world that I am most alive. I am finding that there is no way that others can realize what I realize in that place. As opposed to living life in ways that resist change I work to welcome it even if it is uncomfortable. I know I unfold from what is discovered in that subjective experience. That involves letting go of things that are meant to be let go of, that trap me in deluded promises, including ego serving relationships. With some individuals I work a little harder to be open and clear in my sharing with them, especially if I see that they do so as well and I am grateful for that although ultimately I am not convinced that we can really know each other even with intimate sharing, contemplation and reflection. We can perhaps know each other’s ego patterns and habitual ways but how is it that we can know that which is constantly changing.
It has been an ongoing, life long journey to open to a greater truth of which my social and cultural conditioning has blurred the ability to see and comprehend. That conventional framing of life and self has in turn been influenced by the lure of questionable promises of happiness and other metaphysical questions. It has been a cycle not easy to escape.
A grace fuelled stepping back has allowed for an opening into being and related understanding of the ways of the self. As a result of a slow unfolding of looking in another way I have come to realize how that cycle of conditioning has perpetuated confining ego centred boundaries and patterns and how identification with these have served as an insulation from something more fundamental, real and creative of what I am.
Turning inward I have embraced spending time in silence and in contemplation that has allowed for a more direct experiencing of life and for increased self insight. It is not a life of pure bliss as more idealistic impressions may suggest. The need to learn to endure loneliness and other hardships as they arise are inevitably encountered.
However it is in that enduring; to an obedience to attention to what is encountered in silence and presence that a wholeness and passion for life emerges. In that a curiosity, creativity and desire and urge to explore and realize what is new and what is true is unleashed.