My Brother

I thought you did a wonderful job as usual orating the funeral. It was nice to see the extended family come together however briefly. Maybe it reflects my role with Dougie but I’m a little bit feeling unseen in my intention and hope to be as supportive as possible of Dougie and mom and Donna over the past few years.

I am aware that I take a risk being open and reflective about my feelings as always, at the same time I don’t shy away in fear of that.

This goes deeper than Dougie. I perceive you to be a very good person and I have no doubt that that is shared by people who know you.

I find it all a bit of a challenge trying to fit into a world that I left behind. My family is the most challenging part of that. The fundamental differences between you and I seems to serve to insulate us from one another more than brings us together and that is just how life goes, wether one is in family or not. I have no bad feelings just a sense of huge difference.

I suspect that one difference is that I chose to explore more the inner depths and to actively open to new experiences in doing that. That continues to be my life and my priority even over family and friends. I leave no stone unturned in speculation and contemplation. Iris is similar and we walk this path together. The funny thing about it is that it seems to have peeled a lot of layers away and I have come to live with my own vulnerability not needing to cover that over. That includes an honesty with myself and others however maybe without the mean overtones. I don’t think Dougie had that one worked out. The poor guy had a huge layer of insulation.

Anyway I want to say that I know that we choose to live in different ways and we may not have much more to say to each other outside of reflecting about the Maple Leafs or Donald Trump. Hopefully there is no bitterness between us. You may think where is all this coming from as is often the response to my openness. Now you know that it comes from within.

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