If you know me you know that far from being complacent I live a disciplined spiritual life. I know that I can be intense and that is apparent in my sharing of emails and reflecting with others. I sense that most can’t comprehend what is involved in the very different contemplative life that I live, and the embracing of change and striving to understand and express that, and that’s okay. For a long time I wanted to be able to connect with others around these things, hopeful that they might understand me.
These days I am more accepting of my aloneness and it is in acceptance of my subjective world that I am most alive. I am finding that there is no way that others can realize what I realize in that place. As opposed to living life in ways that resist change I work to welcome it even if it is uncomfortable. I know I unfold from what is discovered in that subjective experience. That involves letting go of things that are meant to be let go of, that trap me in deluded promises, including ego serving relationships. With some individuals I work a little harder to be open and clear in my sharing with them, especially if I see that they do so as well and I am grateful for that although ultimately I am not convinced that we can really know each other even with intimate sharing, contemplation and reflection. We can perhaps know each other’s ego patterns and habitual ways but how is it that we can know that which is constantly changing.