It seems that my life has always involved struggling to find a balance between staying a-tuned to the search for what is authentic versus being influenced by conventional social values and habits. There have been many times when I have felt the need to step away from conforming to the worlds demands and in doing so many have thought that I travel in too mystical a sphere in my attention to what is inward and that may be the case; however, despite this, there always has been and remains in me a strong impulse to seek acceptance from others. Attending to that has involved shifting away from looking inwards.
Whether my actions arise from something egotistical or something greater than that I don’t know. Having had the good fortune of experiencing a glimpse of what is in my heart has helped in the realization of the difference between “self occupation” and a “soul occupied with itself” and that only in the dying to the conditioned can I be open to what is real.
Soren Kierkeggard wrote about the kind of inner reality; “not the many-angled, worldly, palpable reality but one influenced by a more religious certainty that one discovers within oneself – a trust, a confidence, a faith where life gains a ‘heavenly’ as well as an ‘earthly’ orientation.”
Entering into the depths I look to discover what is beyond the influence of concepts, ideals and a bungling knowledge so that I can more authentically and compassionately be in life. Entering into the darkness that is the unknown I transcend what I have become and discover a light that leads me to new realizations.
