Encountering a Pervasive Suffering

There is at this time of Corona Virus and the isolation that it has increasingly brought to all, a sense of confun in our conventional, habitual unexamined ways. Our ways of coping; finding security and comfort seem to be meaningless in resolution of this chaos and seem to serve more to insulate and filter the masses from unpleasantries inherent in life’s unfolding. But there is no avoiding this now. Maybe it is a wake up call to something of the suffering that is more a part of life than we have allowed ourselves to face in this complacent age.

Much of the meaning that I found in living life I realize came to me through an external conditioning; a consequence of that being that for much of my life I was more disabled, mired in ignorance than I was aware. I was unable to see through what I had come to assume of life, to a deeper truth within. It all kept me so focused on striving to make life too easy, too comfortable and on a very external means of achieving that. The promise of happiness in that was all too illusive.

These days I find myself increasingly alone in isolation disarmed and naked in my self. Rigorous as I am in my urge to pursue what is true of my existence I am ready to delve deeper most often turning to my search in silence. I have for so many years sought to explore what lingers underneath all that I have assumed myself to be. Revelation has been a gradual, never ending one. These days what I encounter ensuing moments of unbearable fear, despondency, aloneness and vulnerability; something I suspect I was not ready to be seen until now. This revelation is not mired in darkness although it seems to be a pervasive suffering however unseen and of unknown origins. There is simultaneously a grace filled intuition that there is something more real to be revealed in moving through this opening door.

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