I now realize that this illusive power and control that we strive for is rather unimportant and in fact it is often pretend and show that propels us into an entanglement that keeps us from realizing something more authentic of ourselves. Something newly awakened in me sees how I become entangled, participating in other people’s abandonment, betrayal, rejection, or marginalization and how I am lost in that.
That something inspires me to step back and to find the grounded space where I can let go of needy parts that create, strive and grasp onto attachment to unnecessary things. In that seeing I return to living in presence and what is real. It’s not an intellectual choice but more attending to what is authentic ineffable of me,that at some point in the past I have been conditioned to ignore.
A difficult part is that in this revelation I am presented with a suffering and sensitivity that I must learn to be with and to live with. The pain and loss that life brings is inevitable and I can not find compassion and contentment in diversion, distraction and avoidance of that experience.