Striving for security and some ideal of a safe place where I am not affected by life takes me away from my humanity and being. At the same time there is something about coming fully into my heart that is not so easy. Coping with the emotion, honesty and responsibility involved in realizing reality and the pain and suffering in life that I create for myself and others in my ignorance takes some getting use to. Apprehensively at times I open in awareness. It seems to be a much more real and alive way; so I forge on with this.