Nothing has been more heartbreaking for me than my reliance on what I refer to as received wisdom. Caught in the details of time I can not see the truth of what is real or not. In the search for comfort and acceptance and avoidance of pain and suffering I banish something of myself to the darkness. I end up searching for my humanity, some semblance of authentic compassion and completion of myself in a dualistic, external world.. These days I see more clearly how I become blocked by what I have in fact banished to the darkness.
I am waking up and for me that has most to do, simply with acknowledging my reluctance to experience my own pain. The consequence of that disconnection is that I have been left standing apart from the pain of others. As I age I find that if I am able to stay present to what I experience more directly; pain and everything else and in this awareness I am enabled to enter into a more truthful, rewarding embracing of life. Idealistic dreams and perceptions fall away and I am left with insight, more directly acquired and experienced and with more investment in intimacy with myself and others and from these realizations an increased passion for living arises..