In opening to what I authentically am, I grow. Adyashanti writes that grace is something that comes to us when we somehow find ourselves completely available, when we become openhearted and open-minded, and are willing to entertain the possibility that we may not know what we think we know. So much of what I had become in pursuit of knowing distracted me from opening. I paid attention to a lot of outside advice in becoming a creation of what I knew. Our modern culture values this kind of conscious knowing but it is my experience that the over exercising of one area, such as this quality of human thinking , can impair the quality of a more holistic functioning or being. There was little guidance available that would lead me towards something more authentic in those days. Ultimately something from within would illuminate the way of a more complete being.
I eventually began to see the relevance of letting go, through my own experience of running into walls. It became increasingly clear that in that external materialistic focus there was something that I was missing and that there was another kind of knowing that is not something that is separate from what I am. I diverted from it early in life to the point that it became an echo within that I ignored. It wasn’t a complete avoidance. There was a subtle awareness that something authentic was being blocked. Letting go allowed for that something that was more fundamental of my essence of what I am to rush in, that I was not in control of and that cant be known in the way I had come to know other things.