At times I catch myself thinking about and/or striving for security in my actions. There is something habitual and deeply rooted about it. I see it more clearly and realize, in that seeing , that I can otherwise expend my energy in a quality of attentiveness that enables the living of life more directly and fully. But most every where I turn, our social collective is oriented and organized in striving for security.
I now question the notion that we can achieve a place of security as we might imagine it to be. Allowing ourselves to feel the raw emotion behind our striving is essential and might mean to feel the insecurity more mindfully with awareness instead of blindly reacting to it. From there learning to live with it in a different way is fundamental in coming to live more fully. Ultimately I contemplate where this insecurity originates from. Is it something substantial real or have I created it with my thoughts. What is it. Can it be fixed or eliminated? Is it an inseparable part of being.
Krishnamurti writes that when we close the windows and doors of our house and stay inside, we feel very secure, we feel safe, unmolested. But life is not like that. Life is constantly knocking at our door, trying to push open our windows that we may see more; and if out of fear we lock the doors, bolt all the windows, the knocking only grows louder. The closer we cling to security in any form, the more life comes and pushes us. The more we are afraid and enclose ourselves, the greater is our suffering, because life won’t leave us alone. We want to be secure but life says we cannot be; and so our struggle begins. – Krishnamurti, Life Ahead, p 54