Iris and are back in Germany, from our trip to Myanmar and Sri Lanka. I am readjusting again to the changes. It seems that life is about constantly adjusting; or maybe its an unfolding, or a combination. The actual analysis and description is not the experience and in fact it can interfere with the direct experience if we try to understand it in terms of the concepts. These days I think that it is that I am more aware of what I directly experience than I once was. I see differently than I once did; in a more intimate way, how things change and are affected by other things and how i relate to it and what my experience of it is and I make an effort to express that directly in my own way.
I have been very aware these days of how there is, something of me, that gets in the way of an authentic unfolding of consciousness. That part of me wants things its own way, or how it has learned to see; not understanding how to experience being vulnerable or anything unpleasant or unfamiliar. I am not so sure that I was born this way. The traditional practice of making our children’s into something, is a conditioned belief and influence that takes us away from authentic experience. It seems to provide us with some relief from the sense of vulnerability, that is something of our essence. We grasp on to the belief that we can become something better; not having to experience the fragility of truth. In the end it serves to cover over and does not eliminate the sense of limitation that is part of our consciousness. Perhaps it has been a necessary part of survival of the species that we have learned to be this way. I am quite sure that it does not serve in the same way that it once did for the human race. I am very aware that it has become a pattern of human behaviour that interferes with being and unfolding, more than anything. It seems to me that if we could get on with life, learning to live with our vulnerability, we would be much less dualistic and much more whole than our adaptations have allowed for.
David Brooks an author for the New York Times writes about two kinds of values; one set of values that we learn is “resume skills” and the other is “eulogy values”. Eulogy values are what people talk about after a person has passed away. They are about a persons capacity for compassion, justice and wisdom and other such ways of being. Resume values are skills we develop in our effort to become something.
I now understand how this “becoming” takes me away from a life of unfolding. At moments that I am trusting in this unfolding there is an absence of emotions such as anger, frustration, fear; in fact there seems to be a much more vast and wise influence that I am in flow with that is a guidance within. It is where I find compassion, acceptance, empathy and genuine concern for others and love. And it involves an understanding that arises from experience; not a conventional knowing, but a realization of how one fits into life and at some level what I am an inseparable part of that is unfolding. It all unfolds in awareness.
This morning the light was shining here in Halle and the birds were singing although it didn’t start out that way. I did a 7 kilometre hike through the woods and I saw for the third time a wild boar. I have seen him when I go through this part of the forest that is a bit more desolate. We also saw some wild life in Sri Lanka; many wild elephants in different parts of the island and crocodiles, buffalo, boars and many birds and I saw a leopard in the forest while driving by. Somehow it is comforting for me to experience, our increasingly dwindling natural world.

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