I don´t think that my experience is any kind of prototype for how another should be or what they would go through. We are all unique and have unique experiences in our exploration of what is authentic. I share my experience and impressions fully knowing that they are simply my subjective experience, but at the same time in the possibility that something of it, in some unknown way might be helpful to another.
When I reflect on what it means for me to be “awake” the notion of freedom arises. There is a release from something that was once confining. It has to do with a change in being and thinking; that it is no longer compromised by a conditioning that was in the past imposed upon it. A sense of clarity seems to arise out of the fog as I come to the realization of what it was that has been so limiting and confining. It is a place where I am no longer entertained or overwhelmed with an incredible amount of uncontrollable, arising thoughts, unaware of where they originate from. I am increasingly able to just experience and enjoy and contemplate what is and if something distracting emerges I can at times be present enough to follow it to its source.
At the same time, in going beyond the limits of the conventional there was something that upset the established balance in all that I had become; something real was discovered. This apparent change in consciousness seems to have been a gradual ongoing transformation that moved away from being at the dominance of conditioned, static thoughts and memories. It is not to say that the conditioned does not continue to demand attention, but there is now more of an ability to accept and allow what is authentic of me to arise and unfold. I am more able to let go when I am absorbed in something that is blocking that unfolding and to pursue with exploration and examination when it is in turn something that is expanding my experience. At times I am more fallible and vulnerable and not in the space to proceed although I am better able to recognize and allow for those moments. Curiosity and investigation are a more substantial part of daily living which seems to feed a world of increasing possibility.
Ultimately there is an increased sense of an experience that I am very much involved in a creative process of living and that many of the emerging thoughts, ideas and experiences are unfolding in a unique way and less about those formulated by another. There is a quality of knowing, although non factually based, but more arising from the ineffable experience of opening to life.
Despite this individual sense of experience,creativity and expression there is a felt connection with all else, seeing ourselves in relation to others and other things in a way that is beyond the limits of the condition self. That can be a humbling realization in that the sense of self-importance and self fixation that existed at a prior time is no longer dominant.