The Flickering Light Within

When we are born; we are quickly thrust into a world where we encounter outside efforts to mould and form us into something, other than what we are. A more natural oriented unfolding, that occurs in the world of nature has long ago been abandoned by humans, a consequence being that in our rearing we often lose touch with what we truly originated from. Something of our authentic connection to life and the essence of what we are is lost. Meaning in life, comes to be determined in some other superficial way for us. Convention, culture and tradition formulate more formal and rigid understandings of how e should be and act, often derived from the ongoing pursuit of survival. Most often there exists a taboo on questioning the truth of these ways, in some cultures and institutions more than others. However much there is a part of us that realizes that there is something amiss, there is more often than not, an absence of a clear path for an aspiring searcher for truth to attend to, should they hope to come to a deeper understanding, other than to follow that flickering light of realization that lingers within.
From the silence that I have grown to love, I have nurtured this light within myself. I realized that the truth was somewhere there, somewhat masked but accessible. It has been the point of existence for me, to discover and live by a truth that I was ignorant of and it has not been an easy task to fully realize and embrace it.
My search to live in this way, has been something of the Paul Coello novel. “The Alchemist” comes to mind. As the character of this book does I have, at times, been consumed by a journey that has led me away from myself more often than not. Somehow I find my way back and I suspect, that it could have been no other way, that it was all part of the search and discovery. I have not lived with the kind of awareness that I am now increasingly coming to know and in the silence that is here, accessible to me, in each moment I am able to unfold as an essential part of a more natural whole that I am inseparable from. I still have moments of finding myself lost but I now know that in that silence, there is a way of deeper insight that is illuminated. In that more complete awareness, I have come to loosen my attachment to a fragmented way of seeing and understanding the world, nurtured by the truth discovered there. I can still, at times, become caught in the hectic anxiety and energy of a fragmented, thinking dependent world that has not rediscovered what I have had the good fortune to. And I have been dependent in that way. It has been with great difficulty that I have come to lessen that dependence and in those increasing moments of silence I am able to surrender the thought that is part of that initial conditioning. Here I find my centre and my ground. I no longer wander far from it and why should I entertain that possibility when along with experiencing a growing tolerance of truth, in its illumination, I can come to live by the heart and the creative and authentic inspiration that is discovered there. I have more moments of realizing the whole that I am.

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