At times it is apparent to me that it is a part of the programming to strive to be what we envision to be desirable. This also arises with spiritual concerns what presents a dilema due the fact that we are usung the very means that has caused a seaparation from our true self to find our way back to it. As long we are striving we contine to be just as lost as ever.
. At an earlier time in my life I gave up an addiction to alcohol and other substances only to replace it with an addiction to exercise and other obsessive ways. Someone said to me that it’s a less damaging addiction so” why not” indulge in something relatively less destructive, pssibly beneficial.. I now know that an addiction is an addiction. It might meet a need that we have developed in our self fixation as a way to survive but in the end it diverts one from the truth. It might also have been that at some level I knew hat there was something authentic of me that was being hidden because of all my conditioned ways but there did not seem to be a readiness or knowing how to let igo and let it all t unfold. There was something of me that realized that one day, it would , and so in the meantime there was a tolerance of a less destructive addiction.
Why shouldnt we want those qualities that contribute to a more full life. Part of why we are searching is because we have discovered the more conventional way not to our liking. At that point we see that something is amiss but that this is all that we are able to do. But how do we come to awaken to a place where what is authentic in us can begin to lead us and what is not can be let go of. How can we come to trust that what is good in us will arise to the surface on its own without effort, as the blossom blooms and that all will arise out of something of us that is more real and wonderful than we have come to know ourselves to be. After so much conditioning that has taken away from our authentic roots how do we recognize what is authentic in us and what is not. How do we see beyond all that has become habitual and conditioned
The practice of presence has been gift of grace for me and it has become a way of life. In presence there is awareness of the allure of a more conventional yet illusionary way. Yes I can be fooled and only in presence can the fog of what is unreal lift.