I am meditating as much as always these days and maybe more. I would say that it is more that I am coming to a place of being with the truth of myself and with what is and of course how, I, in my truth, might fit into the way things are. It almost seems that if I am not in presence I am suffering. It is as if in becoming what the world requires of us we become habituated to the suffering and don’t notice it much. But when we begin to experience presence we become more aware of the suffering in ourselves and in turn in almost all others however habituated it might be. It is not an intellectual understanding but a knowing of a more direct experience-I find more and more in this way that if something is not consistent with being than there is an arising aversion to it; an uncomfortable energetic surge that arises from within. It requires a learning to be with it, to attend to it, something that is not taught or discussed in our social and/or individual conditioning. We seem to be more conditioned not to pay attention to this and this in turn results in a diversion from our being, and thus creates the possibility of becoming the creation of our thoughts and concepts, constantly looking to cope and address any discomfort with external interventions.
In presence I witness directly the insanity as it arises, for example the fumbling projection of what I have become as a conditioned self; my anger, defensiveness, and sense of being isolated and unlovable and much more that is of static perception. In my meditative way I come to be present to this truth and at times to see and embrace a deeper truth of it and from this place there is discovered a more authentic arising of compassion and connection for all others who have as well wandered away from a more authentic embracing of life.