I must be distorted in my thinking because I see that there is no security in life. It seems that many people talk about the spiritual way as being a place that we achieve some kind of perfection or cleansing of impure qualities but often it seems that it is a search for certainty. Most of us spend our lives searching for security through our endless thinking in this way and that thinking is extended to the spiritual way as well. Other ways that we do this are endless and most often we are not conscious of them. I am not an exception. I have indulged in this as well. But these days I see the limitations in my thinking and in others thinking as well.
Through all of this I am confronted with the realization that there is no security in life and I am not what I have thought myself to be in my past indulgence in the search for meaning and certainty. So in the witnessing of these ways that I have avoided “avoid coming to this recent insight I am left to cope directly with the insecurity of life. This has its advantages. For one I no longer feel compelled to focus on becoming something and perfecting and improving myself. There is some difficulty in learning to be with the uncertainty and vulnerability that comes with this but through being present to it I move into an unfamiliar more authentic experience. There are as well increasing moments of peacefulness and bliss that shine through in simply being with what is. And there is a sense of acceptance and connection that becomes more evident. We see how others are engaged in the same life long struggle that we have been engaged in and there is a compassion that emerges from that.
It may be difficult for others to be with me in this way at times for whatever reason but what choice do I really have. That sense of vulnerability and uncertainty is right there in a world futilely engaged in finding relief from it. i can continue in my avoidance and pretentious ways or I can follow the light to a way that leads to a more authentic experience of living. And the truth of that is partly that I am quite imperfect , limited in my knowing and capable of making mistakes in the process of learning about life which seems to be an endless process.