I attended a meditation sitting at the Buddhist Place last evening. It is a place that I used to be involved with many years ago and now I join this group on Wednesday evenings when I can whenever I am in Peterborough and I welcome the opportunity to sit with others that I don’t have in Germany.
There were a lot of beginner mediators there and it is great to see more people turning to meditation. These individuals new to meditation were eager to bring their concepts and ideas about what meditation and Buddhism is, raising question about how they might improve their ambition and become better enabled to achieve something special.
It served to bring to my attention how much I have changed. I no longer see meditation in terms of what it is but more in terms of what it is not. I am more and more not looking to define and conceptualize my experiences and encounters but to be with them. The habitual process that we are conditioned to that tends to analyze and look for structure, certainty, definition and meaning no longer dominates my consciousness. Ambition and intention are not what leads me as they once did.
It all enables me to see what is behind all that we have made life into and although it has its unpleasant side and always will have there is a beauty, wonder and mystery to it that is unattainable, that is inevitably covered over in the habitual reliance on our conditioned ways. I don’t know if life is getting better on this planet or if humans are becoming more awake or not. I have a sense that much of our effort is in ignorance and in so being has quite destructive consequences being conducted in a way that is without the connection and compassion that is our essence. And it is not that I have achieved purity in my thought and seeing but more that I am increasingly coming to be able to differentiate and in doing so it makes the choices to be made so much more clear.