I See in Him

I don’t really know if the planet is a more loving or hateful place or if it is evolving and moving towards being a better place or if we are headed for disaster. I think that I can live with either scenario and that the only way to change the world is to bring awareness to my self and to understanding and seeing the  limitations that exist within me that block me from being  a loving and open entity.

I think that in past days I was not open to seeing the truth of the suffering in the world and how I, however unconsciously, contributed to that. I am seeing more how rigid perceptions and  interpretations of myself can create suffering in my immediate environment and  how easy it is to be self-deceived about this.

I have come to know someone who is close to me here in East Germany. He was born at the end of the Second World war in Weimar of  what was once known to be Prussia. This person and his family became survivors of the brutal  period of National Socialism in Germany and then shortly after that  the Russian domination of the state there. He was not a party member and was not eligible for many of the perks that were offered with that. He learned to survive and to take care of his family through hard work and diligence and through a lot of angst and doubt. His family lived simple and even today still values every thing that they come to have.

He most definitely has become someone who is  a product of that time. He continues to make efforts to survive and to follow in the ways that he came to know even as times have changed. Many would say that he has come to be well off, more so than most. He benefited from the collapse of the Communist system in ways that most did not but he continues to think in ways that he had learned  that are secretive and deceptive although not corrupt or hurtful.  In his efforts to extend himself and in his naivety in dealing with western corrupt entities he has encountered difficulties and has been taken advantage of and been manipulated.

I  myself find this individual to be rigid in his ways and closed in his seeing of others but there is a part of me that sees that he can be nothing else. He has not encountered the opportunity to honestly explore and discover who he might truly be. The fear and angst of losing what he has come to have and what he is to himself seems to be great but nothing seems to aid him  to open to look in another way. Others have responded to him in a way of doubt and awe and question his moral and ethical intentions and it seems at least these days in the months that have passed since the incident to have left a feeling with him of being vulnerable and unsure.

I see myself in him. I can identify with this situation and have compassion for what he is experiencing. There is one thing that I am learning that maybe he has not and that is to let go of what I have come to believe that I am and maybe to live more from this place of being vulnerable not reacting in a way to cover over or delude myself in an artificial way of seeing myself.




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